As a mom suffering from fibromyalgia, you tend to feel a lot of guilt. Unfortunately it can attack at the most inconvenient times; especially the times you want to be doing the things with your children that you normally wouldn’t think twice about missing. We all want the same thing as all moms want: to be there for your children, to be the best mom you can be for them. However, when fibromyalgia strikes, you just can’t do anything about it unless feeling guilty.
However, there is no need to feel that way. Whenever this happens, you can ask someone to record the event and watch it with your kids. Tell them how proud you are and how you wish you could be there. While it is not the same thing, it will make things a bit better and your kids will know how much you love them.
One of the worst words for moms is “should”. And this happens no matter if you suffer from fibromyalgia or not. We always assume that we could have done better, we “should have done better”. But when you suffer from fibromyalgia, you tend to feel even worse. So, you just need to get the word out of your dictionary.
The best thing you can do is to explain to your kids why you can’t attend their activity. Show them that you would really love to come but you will find a way to know everything about it. Notice that these explanations need to be given according to your kid’s ages.
While sometimes you just can’t be with them, there are things that you can do with them and for them. Even if you need to be laid down, you can still read a story to your kids, you can still have a good talk and see what’s going on with him. Don’t let fibromyalgia set you apart from your kids under any circumstance. They need to know that you love them and that you’ll always be there to support them no matter if you attend their shows and games or not.
When you are explaining your kids about fibromyalgia, make sure that you emphasize that they didn’t do anything, that it’s not their fault, and that you’re not going to die because of it. This is extremely important since they tend to exacerbate and take the blame and guilt for the entire situation when not told otherwise. Kids can have a lot of compassion and yours can even say that he rather stay at home with you. However, no matter how much you would like it to happen, you need to tell him to enjoy his childhood.
Fibromyalgia doesn’t define you as a person or as a mom. A mom is always a mom no matter if she has fibromyalgia or not. A mom will always do anything in her power to keep their kids safe, healthy, happy, secured, safe. This is the role you have as a mom and there is no chronic disease that is going to take it away from you.
Yes, you may not always be in the right conditions to do some of the things you would like to do with your kids. However, you have other ways to show them that you love them, that you care for them. Yes, it is sad, yes, guilt won’t simply disappear. But you need to focus on the positive side of the equation. You have beautiful kids who love you and you are their mom, their perfect mom. To their eyes, you are the most important person in the world. You just need to keep showing this to them.
Just think about some activities that you can do with them. Select different ones according to the energy that you need to use. These can be the simplest things from watching a movie together to go get an ice cream or take a walk in the park.
So yes, fibromyalgia sets you apart from other moms until the point that you let it to set. The truth is that it is entirely in your hands to demonstrate the love you have for your children. And no one or nothing can even take this from you.